Ok, maybe not since I talk about what happens here on my blog. But I haven’t been 100% honest about everything that’s happened here. Perhaps because some people from Guatemala can read my blog now and I don’t want to start drama.. Perhaps it’s because I don’t want to talk about boy troubles where my Daddy can read it and worry about me. But, I’m an adult now and…
I said I’d be honest on my blog right? Good and bad? Right and wrong? So people could really live the experience and hopefully be inspired to take their own travels? And if I don’t update everything, it will get confusing later if I mention something I thought I’d said. So here goes… I could pretty much use Phantom of the Opera to describe my life here. I’ve got a Raul and I’ve got a Phantom. If Becki keeps up with my blog, she’ll be cracking up right now. (Love you so much, Becki Lorraine!!) But seriously, it’s true. I’m in a love triangle. This has never happened in my life and I have NO idea what to do with it. I like two guys here and they both like me, among others. I have never ever ever EVER had this problem in my life.
And I love it. No, not really. I hate it. Sure, I love the attention. Everyone knows I’m an attention whore, but it is honestly the most confusing thing ever because I feel like a hoe if I kiss them both. And I am no such thing. Sorry dad, I’ve kissed some people here. Don’t hate me.
Seriously. This has never happened to me. I know all my friends at home like to encourage me and say that I’m so pretty and guys love me, etc. etc. But I just don’t ever believe it because it’s just not true in the States. I’ve rarely been asked out. I’ve rarely been told that so-and-so has a crush on you. I’ve dated 2 guys in my entire life and kissed just a few more. And there’s usually months and months in between different guys who I’ve kissed. I’ve never had a problem with crushing on more than one person and having more than one like me back. But apparently Guatemala is a whole new world.
Never in my life have I been grateful for my middle and high school experience until now. I was not popular. I was made fun of. I was hurt. I still am friends with the group I made in middle school because they were my only friends. All of 3 guys that I know of liked me between 8th grade and graduating high school. I’m pretty sure I’ve beat that number in all of 2 months here. But I hate it. I don’t want to hurt anybody and I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t know what to do with these two that I like.
I am now grateful that I didn’t have these problems in high school. I believe getting made fun of is what has kept me humble all these years and what has made me sensitive to the feelings of others. I can’t imagine the head I would have if I had grown up popular. So this lesson here has made me thankful that I was a loser in high school. Never thought I’d be grateful for that!
Why is it like Phantom of the Opera? Well. It’s kind of like a dream come true and a nightmare all at once. It’s a dream come true because when does this ever happen besides in the movies? I have a crush on my Salsa teacher. Sure, that happens in real life. But when the hell does it ever happen that he likes you back!?!? It’s like a fucking teenage girl movie. Excuse my language. But the problem is, I feel for my best friend too. And now it’s even more like a movie, except a drama instead. It is exactly like Phantom of the Opera. Here is my sweet and adorable little knight in shining armor (Raul) that is a gentleman and takes care of me and makes me feel like a princess and I really like him a lot! But then, here is my hilarious mysterious ridiculous cute teacher (the Phantom) who comes and steals me away if I encounter him. I feel bad for Christine in that movie. It’s really quite the awful situation. It’s a nightmare because it would break my heart to hurt anybody and I can’t make up my mind between the two guys. I don’t want to stop hanging out with either of them. But the last thing I ever wanted to do here was hurt myself or someone else’s feelings.
Oh God, I can’t believe I’m writing this where my family can read it. This is so awkward. Why did I start this blog? Ugh.
I’m not a player. I’m no such thing. Everyone at home knows this. I look like a player here, but I’m not. I’m not enjoying this. This situation could be one of the most awful things I’ve had to go through because I’m sensitive and I love everybody and don’t want anyone hurt. I don’t want to lose anyone either because I love them! What’s a girl to do?
Yes mom, I know God will show me the right way to go, you don’t need to tell me. I already am embarrassed enough to talk about this on my blog, but I said I’d be honest.
My dear sweet Spanish teacher, Willy, listens to all my problems and now I’ve adopted the name “pequeña monstro” (little monster). It cracks me up. But I am no such thing. But that’s okay, because I call him a mentiroso. I suppose I deserve a name too ahaha.
Monday night, José came by the house to pick up his things that he had left temporarily to walk with me to dinner Sunday night. Since I stayed out and he went home, he had to come back later and get the things. I thought he was still mad at me for Sunday night but we talked and worked things out. I was glad, because I really like him and don’t want to lose him to something stupid. We have had some off moments but I can now credit a lot of it to the language barrier, I have learned. I will mention that more later.
Tuesday I was sicker so I didn’t do much. I watched a lot of movies in bed and chugged some water and tried to just chill so I could get better quicker.
Wednesday, I changed my tradition for the first time ever. I still felt too sick to dance, so I skipped my Salsa class. I’ve never skipped! And of course, Orlando told me later that they actually learned something new this week instead of the basics. Go figure. Either way, I was too sick and my friend Xavier was going to be in town that night and we hadn’t had a chance to hang out since I met him at Las Palmas a few weeks ago. So I decided to get dinner with him at A Lo Chapin (where Kevin works) because I hadn’t actually eaten there yet and because it was Mary’s last night (Mary is Kevin’s aunt who is from the States and she has to go back and forth to the states for work still) and I wanted to say bye to her. Xavier seems pretty cool. He knows 4 languages and is half-italian like me, but he grew up in Guatemala so his first language is Spanish. I’m jealous of his life. He owns businesses already and can pretty much travel wherever he wants whenever he wants!
He was going to join me after he regrouped some friends at Rainbow afterwards, but they never came back. But I got to see Rodrigo again who came to sing (and did awesome, as usual!) so that was nice to have someone to sit with. José is working so when no one else comes, I don’t have as much fun, because he can’t be expected to sit with me the whole time. And everyone knows I love to be surrounded by a group of friends.
Afterwards, José and I went back to A Lo Chapin (It’s literally right next to Rainbow, so that’s convenient) so I could spend more time with everyone there before Mary went back to the US. I felt uncomfortable having both crushes in the same room, especially since they know I like them both, but I was just trying to bring more people together because I love spending time in groups. I also thought Rodrigo and other people were going to join us, but they couldn’t. Everyone reassured me that they love everyone here and it’s perfectly acceptable to bring someone if that’s what I want to do. I still felt bad though. Maybe it’s all in my head.
Thursday was a pretty typical day during the day, but I just had an itch to be out of the house Thursday night. I really shouldn’t be going out this late when I’m sick, but I’ve skipped my project all week so I’ve been able to sleep in. I rarely like to be at home anymore, I don’t know why. I guess I’m just sick of my room and there’s not really anywhere else to relax here since they don’t have a couch. So I figured I’d take my books and go read at A Lo Chapin since that’s the only cafe/restaurant where I know people (aside from Rainbow on Wednesday nights). I didn’t want to bug José because I get uncomfortable texting people constantly. I prefer to be chased and let them contact me if they want to hang out.
Orlando ended up showing up again so we all hung out again like Sunday night when the restaurant closed. I met another guy, who’s name has slipped my mind, who used to be the Salsa teacher for Máximo and gave the job to Orlando when he decided to start his own thing in Guatemala City. The two of them are going to be the teachers for this dance group I’m supposedly going to be a part of. (I missed the first practice though because these idiots kept me out til 3 AM again, but Orlando missed too. So I don’t feel bad).
So him, Orlando, Kevin, Byron (Kevin’s uncle) and I hung out again in the street. Again, it still hasn’t felt unsafe here like I hear in the rumors, but maybe that’s just because God watches over me. Unfortunately, pretty much everything is closed at that hour and I had to pee like a racehorse. Byron and the other guy had already left and Kevin and Orlando weren’t ready to go home yet and I have to wait for them so I can get a safe ride to my house (and honestly don’t think I would have been able to ride a motorcycle on a cobblestone street at that point. I’m not really sure why I waited so long to tell someone hahaha). So I got to have another new experience.
Everyone pees in the street here. It’s disgusting. I’ve seen it happening at least once every few days. I’m appalled. And then, I had to become one of them. I argued and argued and argued with Orlando and Kevin, but I gave in because I had to go so bad. Thank God I had toilet paper with me (I had brought it for blowing my nose!). Orlando told me he thought of a bathroom he could take me to and I got so excited and then when we started walking, he said it was the street. Nasty little jokester!! Anyways, he at least took me to a dark corner away from people and stood guard so I could have privacy which was sweet, but how un-lady like I felt doing that. I suppose it’s like camping, but it’s also not like camping because we are not in the fricken woods!
My bad guys. This post is full of too much information. Sorry my life is interesting.
I enjoyed my new experience, despite the feelings of being completely gross. I was relieved because then I could sit in peace and enjoy the rest of the night. We got onto a subject about beliefs in God and I always love to find out that my friends share similar beliefs.
And I got to have another new experience. Which is the whole reason I’m here for right? New experiences. New lessons. Conquer fears. Meet awesome people. Learn Spanish. Learn how to dance. Everything I wanted here is happening. God has blessed me infinitely.
Yesterday, I found myself really missing José. I missed him Thursday night, but he went out with some friends and I feel that’s better that way. It’s stupid to pass time with one person all the time, as I have learned in my past relationships, because then you tire of each other and then it gets sticky. So this was good! But I still missed him.
He said we could meet at 8:00 so we hung out when he got to Antigua. After last night, I am now sure more than ever that whatever conversations we had in Monterrico that made me question him were probably just the language barrier because I really can’t understand him all the time and I think I got some things twisted and said some things wrong as well. But I am now 100% certain that he is a great guy and trustworthy. He never ceases to take care of me when we hang out. Buys my food, tells me to wear my jacket if it’s raining, worries about me being out in the street at night, tells me we can do whatever I want to do, introduces me to his friends, gives money to homeless people, etc.
To top that all off, we went to my first “After Party” last night. Everything closes at 1:00 am here, but there are a few secret places that have after parties for people that want to stay out later. I had heard these were packed with drugs and drunk people so I was a little hesitant to go, but it ended up being perfectly fine. I mean, there were people drinking and smoking weed, but not everyone was and no one was a nut job so it was fun. And I wanted to spend more time with José and the streets were wet from the rain. So it was perfect! And here’s where I learned that I could 100% trust José from here on out….
I ran into two people from Máximo at the after party!! Two people that work there, I mean! Lori is my coordinator for my volunteer project and Collin is the guy that helped me get my phone working. How crazy? I never expected to run into them at an after party. Either way, I realized Lori was dancing with José’s friends when he went off to the bathroom and I thought “huh.. She knows his friends. Small world.” But then, when he came back from the bathroom, they greeted and she knows him too! So José is friends with some of the people at Máximo and now I have the liberty to ask whatever I want about him. I don’t need to ask them anything because I’ve felt this whole time he’s a good guy. I’ve just had doubts that have come up due to not being able to understand perfectly clear. But if he knows people at Máximo and I know Máximo tells me everything I need to know in order to be safe and they like him? Then I know I was right about him. In which case, I now trust him 100% and more than anyone else here so far and can chalk anything weird that I’ve thought he’s said up to the language barrier.
What a great night. <3 Sorry this post doesn’t have any photos. Hopefully I’ll be exploring Antigua this weekend or taking the food photos for Byron’s restaurant and can put those up in my next post!