Ya no quiero escribir mi blog.
Just kidding, I do. But this is definitely much more of a chore than I thought it would be and it’s not that fun to update when I don’t have something new and interesting to say or pictures to post.
Today I’m going to talk about some more things I’ve learned while traveling. You will not escape your problems. If you vacation for long enough, you’re going to need a vacation from your vacation. I say this because this week has been quite a drag and I’ve had some other days such as this where I’ve learned that wherever I go, I come with myself. The only thing you have control over (and sometimes I really don’t think I believe we have control over it) is our your attitude.
Sunday I didn’t go back out to see my friends because I got a bad stomach ache. It wasn’t like the aches I got in the first week and I never had any other problems. It felt more like indigestion or what I would imagine heartburn would feel like. I blame it on the food I ate with José. It wasn’t street food, but it wasn’t really a restaurant either. A lady at my school said I could get sick from that. So I laid down the rest of Sunday. At least I could eat semi-street food without throwing up!
Monday was a great day. I received good news and that was that they switched that guy out of my class because they decided he wasn’t in the same level as me. I was so happy. Private classes once again with Willy for group class price! Yes, please!
Then I went out with Kevin that night for a while and enjoyed that as well. It’s nice to have honest friends finally! I can tell by the fact that he’s not trying to woo me and by some of the things he’s told me that he’s honest with me. But we won’t talk about those things here. Not my place.
Monday night began my rough week. Kevin dropped me off at home and I had a headache which I assumed was just a “I need to sleep” headache. But I couldn’t sleep and it only got worse. I took Advil. I tried Midol because that was the only other pain killer I had. Nothing helped. It lasted all night and all morning and it was the worst headache I’ve ever had. Isolina gave me Excedrin extra strength and that didn’t help. I finally caved and called Máximo to send me a doctor.
To my great surprise, a long came Mario! Mario is a guy I’ve met in the salsa classes at Máximo and is a friend of Orlando. How nice it was to have a familiar face as my doctor. And to my even greater surprise, he didn’t charge me for the appointment. I can’t express how grateful I was for that because not only did it save me some money (which I’ve been worried about lately) but it also proved that nice people still exist in the world. There’s nothing more I love than a sweet blessing such as this. Thank you Mario!
Anyways, he prescribed some stronger medicine that still didn’t help Tuesday night, but I woke up Wednesday feeling better. I still had a little headache, but it was more of annoyance than a I-can’t-function.
I also felt awful Tuesday because I was supposed to meet Orlando and Byron to go buy heels for my upcoming private salsa classes and I couldn’t climb out of bed nor could I get in contact with them no matter how much I tried. I felt bad because I’m always a good communicator with people and they were waiting on me and told me all of this the next day.
Wednesday I carried on with my regular activities and Willy was awesome as usual and took me to the park again because he didn’t want to teach me too much and hurt my head some more. The funny thing was I wanted to go to A Lo Chapin to introduce my friends, but we went to the park instead. But my friends ended up coming to the park that day too so I got to introduce them anyways!
Wednesday I, of course, hung out with my usual group and went to Rainbow and algunas otras lugares.
Thursday I just woke up in the most awful mood. And I couldn’t shake it. This is what I’m talking about when I think sometimes we can’t control it. It’s like, I was already in a bad mood before I had my first thought of the day and no matter how many times I tried to say “It’s going to be a great day!” to myself, I couldn’t shake it. I was frustrated because I still had a headache, frustrated because some friends have misinterpreted things I’ve said and I think have made the wrong impression of me, and frustrated because I’ve reached the hard point in learning Spanish.
Willy tried to encourage me in class and explain that when we start at the beginning of learning a language, it is like we’re at the bottom of a well. We can’t see the light at the top, but we start climbing and we’re excited because we’re climbing and climbing and we slowly see more and more light. Once we hit intermediate, we climb a little more and reach the top of the well. But the top of the well isn’t fluency. The top of the well means I can’t climb up anymore and now I have to grow horizontally and take in all the world around me (essentially meaning: I’ve climbed all I can and now I need to practice and practice and read and watch movies and read and read and read and memorize and memorize and memorize more vocabulary. And that’s hard. Especially when there’s 10 different verbs for one verb in English). As usual, Willy knew how I felt because he practically self-taught himself English. The only difference is he likes to read and I still can’t shake my dislike for reading.
After this motivation, I ended up going to A Lo Chapin that night and reading the whole time. For an example of how long it takes to understand what I’m reading (because if I can understand all of it, I’m not learning anything new)… I’ve read 12 pages of a book in about 8 hours (I read Friday morning too). I’m overwhelmed.
Friday I magically woke up really happy to start the day. This, I liked. I beat everybody to A Lo Chapin in the morning and read for an hour and a half before Kevin even showed up to work! Haha. Then I FINALLY had my first salsa class in the afternoon. It’s so much more intimidating in a private class! This is when it sucks to be a perfectionist because my mind doesn’t want to let me try because it knows I can’t dance and I hate embarrassing myself. Like I said, our problems come with us when we travel.
I got pretty tired towards the end of Friday and probably should have stayed home because at about 9:00 I was ready to go home from A Lo Chapin, but I have to wait for a ride and they ended up not closing til 12:00 am that night due to a group that came in and stayed. I’m sure I was a drag; my headache starting bothering me really bad again and I was so tired and I’m terrible at hiding my emotions haha.
Today I woke up once again in bad spirits. Perhaps the headache, perhaps the cloudy sky. But today I, so far, was able to kick it. I met with my tandem partner and was grumpy I couldn’t find heels for my salsa class, but I went to my salsa class and maybe sweated out my bad mood. I felt great after and went to buy a cake for Isolina and Mynor’s one year anniversary!
How ironic! It’s their anniversary today. And my cousin is getting married today. Best wishes, Mike!! May you two live happily ever after! AND it’s my mom’s birthday. She’s turning 30, of course. 😉 Happy birthday, mamasita! We sang happy birthday to you at lunch today before we ate the cake I bought for Isolina and Mynor. They sang in English. It was so cute. I have a video, but am having trouble uploading it. Hope your birthday is awesome and the wedding goes perfect!
Anyways… problems. They don’t go. So don’t run away from them. I wasn’t trying to run away from my problems when I came here, but I still have learned the come with me. I still have health problems (more than usual too!) and I still have negativity problems (harder than usual when you feel like crap 90% of the time!) and I still get bored with my life and I still have days where I hate myself. I still have not discovered the secret to changing my attitude. Oh wait, yes I have. Practice. Damn it.
Just like with my Spanish, practice. I fail one day. I have to get up and try again the next day. Just like Salsa class. I fail a step. I have to repeat the step again and again and again no matter what or I’m not going to learn it. If I fail with my attitude one day, tomorrow brings a new day to try again. Where we fail is when we let that failure day dictate that we’re never going to change and spiral into a depression. That’s okay. Climb back out. I’ve been pretty depressed for the most part this whole week and it sucks. And I don’t want to talk about it. And I want to give up on Spanish. And love. And salsa. And I’m worried about my money. And traveling alone in a little over a week. And money. And I miss the sun.
But I’m still here. And I’m going to enjoy today and if I don’t, I have tomorrow.
Darn the guy that said if at first you can’t succeed, try try again. It’s true.